


Dear Life, Since You've Been Gone!

by ColorGuardSweetHeartHotFury



Category: Transformers (Unicron Trilogy), Transformers: Armada
Genre: After Final Episode, After S04e48 Cramp, After Series Finale, After The Last Episode, After s04e52 Mortal Combat, Better Story Flow Coming Your Way Soon..., DON'T BLAME ME FOR THE BAD WRITING I WAS YOUNG AND NAIVE HAVE FAITH I CAN FIX THIS, Decepticon/Autobot, F/M, GETTING A FACE LIFT SOON, GOING THROUGH RECONSTRUCTION, Gen, Generation Gap, Halfling, I CAN FIX IT, I CAN FIX THIS, I CAN FIX THIS I WAS YOUNG AND NAIVE WHEN I STARTED HAVE FAITH I CAN FIX IT, I WAS YOUNG AND NAIVE HAVE FAITH I CAN IT, In Current Works of being reworked, In the works, Mental Abuse, Might Contain References to Sex, Multi, NEEDS MAJOR TLC, Next Generation, None of My Stories are Ever Abandoned, Other, Physical Abuse, Rating May Change May Contain Sexual Interactions Later, Still more reviews the faster and More Attention I Give to a Story and Updating, Story Is going to be slightly reworked in the future, Story Will Be Fixed Eventually, Story Will Be Tweaked, THE GRAMMAR SPELLING AND STRUCTURE NEEDS TO BE WORKED ON, THE MORE REVIEWS THE FASTER I GET TO CORRECTING THE STORY AND GETTING IT BACK ON TRACK, Techno Organic, WARNING OLD STORY NEEDS TO BE SERIOUSLY WORKED ON, WARNING OLD STORY NEEDS TO BE UPDATED, WARNING OLD STORY NEEDS TO BE UPDATED THE GRAMMAR SPELLING AND STRUCTURE NEEDS TO BE WORKED ON, What-If, You want it updated and worked on faster please review and I will get to it sooner, after season finale, cyberhuman, generations, technorganic, transformer/human - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-02-14
Updated: 2017-02-14
Packaged: 2018-09-24 01:15:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death, Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,461
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9693428
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ColorGuardSweetHeartHotFury/pseuds/ColorGuardSweetHeartHotFury
Summary: There was more to Starscream & Alexis's relationship then one could ever imagine. Now Alexis makes decision that will ultimately affect everyone around her. While constant grief traps her. Follow the life of a Runaway girl & those forever changed by her decisions & the changes that become of a family she once knew as life begins again. Sometimes simply healing, mending a broken heart isn't as easy as some make it appear.





	

**Author's Note:**

> (These notes I'm posting (both beginning AN Notes and End AN Notes) are from the original notes on Fanfiction.net when I posted this story. I have not changed or adapted them since the last posting of this story. I will do more whenever I do fix this story to work on these as well)
> 
> A story about why Alexis acted the way she did after Starscream's death, and what happened to her afterwards! This is not only the story of Alexis but a story about those affected by one girls choices that changed their lives the moment Alexis met Starscream and both their lives were forever changed.
> 
> Later this story will take a twist turn and follow some unthinkable surprising beings that are also affected by Alexis and Starscream's relationship more then you may think now, you will meet them in upcoming chapter.
> 
> Disclaimer: I do not own any Transformers Armada characters. Nor do I own the song Still Hurting from the Musical The Last Five Years.
> 
> I do own George and April Jenkins (Alexis parents) and the doctor in this chapter… Oh and The story of course
> 
> Now content warning: PG13 for discussion of sex, and some other things. Nothing to descriptive. Also coarse language younger readers she be warned when reading.
> 
> Also note Chapter 1 is really several chapters, that I originally wrote in parts (I have no clue why but It has to do with the story sides.)
> 
> Last note Please Please Please REVIEW review ReViEw I will like 2 REVIEWS BEFORE I POST MY NEXT CHAPTER SO PLEASE REVIEW.
> 
> Also Note when writing a review I ALLOW BASHING AND Slashing…. I DO NOT ALLOW SWEARING, CURSING OR CUSSING IN A REVIEW SO PLEASE COOL DOWN AND BE CIVILIZED WHEN YOU WRITE A REVIEW THANK YOU
> 
> Now finally I'd like to ask that you my readers….
> 
> ENJOY ENJOY ENJOY
> 
> ENJOY ENJOY
> 
> ENJOY
> 
> Thank You! :) :D ;) ;D

 

 

 

[Cartoons](https://www.fanfiction.net/cartoon/) [Transformers/Beast Wars](https://www.fanfiction.net/cartoon/Transformers-Beast-Wars/)

  
Follow/Fav **Dear Life Since You've Been Gone!**

 

 

By: [ColorGuardSweetHeartHottieFury](https://www.fanfiction.net/u/2758841/ColorGuardSweetHeartHottieFury)

There was more to Starscream & Alexis's relationship then one would have thought. Now Alexis makes dicisions that affect everyone, constant grief traps her. Follow the life of a Runaway girl & those forever changed by her decisions & the family changes!

Rated: [Fiction T](https://www.fictionratings.com/) \- English - Drama/Hurt/Comfort - Alexis, Starscream - Words: 7,067 - Reviews: [4](https://www.fanfiction.net/r/7198556/) \- Favs: 4 - Follows: 2 - Published: Jul 20, 2011 \- id: 7198556  
  


 

_**Chapter 1: Crossroads of Goodbyes!** _

* * *

_Part 1: Still Hurting!_

* * *

A young girl not past twelve or thirteen with short brownish red hair lay in a full sized quilted sheeted bed. Her body was tossing and turning in the dark room; her face was twitching and crying nonstop. It had been doing so since she returned with her two friends from a trip they could never speak of to anyone else.

The only thing besides her whining, crying, and un-relaxed moving was the sound of her first generation iPod playing, as she fell asleep crying listening to the gentle music, that for the past few weeks was the only thing that could help her get to sleep.

Every night since her friends and her got back from the trip, the same trip their parents knew nothing of where they had gone, she had been crying. This young girl would randomly cry during the day, running to her room and crying even harder to the point that she could get sick, suddenly going from happy to shock then sadness with tears.

It was worst when she watched romance films, or saw any kind of love on television with her parents or herself. She always tossed a pillow at the television, or run again to cry in her room. This teenager was only a ghost of her old self, who was brave, fearless and stronger than anyone most would come across in a lifetime, with dreams of a leading bold spirit ready to change the world.

Instead, her days were spent listening to sappy poignant music, occasionally switching to grudge or rock, the type the talked of people being betrayed, lonely, missing, and mourning. It was quiet the most depressing thing to listen to let alone watch.

More importantly, her days were spent moping around the house, holding herself in a ball, wearing sweatpants, barely ever taking a shower, and looking quite scummy.

Her parents were extremely worried but her two guy friends could not and would not say what got her so upset and if they did her parents could tell the obvious lie to hide something. Let alone the looks they spotted coming from their daughter that she gave them as if telling them not to speak or they would be dead.

Her mother and father started to dread the worst, that being rape, torture, abuse, beating, and the list going on and on being filled with the worst ideas and assumptions each day.

They even feared that her friends did something to her but she soon fought them angrily telling them "How dare you ever think that. What gives you and makes you think they did anything to me? I'm fine and these tears are for nothing." Although they saw the obvious, the 'nothing' their daughter spoke of, being an obvious lie in their daughters face from her mouth. An utter lie would always obtrude such conversations, without one hint to the truth.

Even if she never gave away the looks of pain in these moments, she faked a look that said everything was fine and acted normal the rest of these kinds of days. Her parents still could tell something was wrong; tears like these weren't for nothing, for no one cried for no reason.

Nevertheless, they tried to get their daughter to see a psychiatrist, if she wouldn't talk to them even dragging her to see a couple since it was well over two weeks with no results. The whole way she went kicking and screaming that she never needed one, and would be resistant with the doctors never saying anything to them.

Her parents never thought their sweet little girl Alexis, who was once and they thought still was so innocent like a child had such strength and will, would hold such secrets without spilling the truth of what was causing her great deals of pain.

What hurt her parents more was every night several times each night, they would run in to her room, because their daughter would be screaming either waking up that way or sleeping and them having to wake her up.

Other times she did not just scream but screamed a name they could not make sense of, "Starscream!" she would constantly say in great sweating pain and sadness.

Only the previous night, three weeks since she came home, had she said more after the scream while her parents ran in worried for their little angel "Starscream! [softly saying but getting lower each time she said it] No! No! NO! NO! Don't go, don't leave me, NO I love you, don't go please, please! NNNNNNNoooooooooooooooo!" She suddenly screamed like she was being killed or something of that extent, it was so bloodcurdling her parents almost dropped to the floor covering their ears.

The sobbing got worst after their daughter would yell "NO! No! Please no don't die don't kill yourself NO!"

NNNNNNNNNNNOooooooooooooooo! Again causing anyone in the room pain, her little English poodles Lady and Coach scurried out wanting to help the girl but not being able to stand her screams they just stood at her doorway and barked for their girl to get up.

"NO you can't be dead you can't be you'd promise you'd come back don't' leave me I should have told you not Nooo! Don't go please you're not dead you're not, don't die no don't leave me! You told me you never would, you promised you changed cause of me, don't be dead survive from him, don't let him be what killed you don't let him! Survive him, please for me! Why did you let him kill you? WHY! You wanted him to stab you, no you could have shown them a different way than that! No! NO! NOooooooo! You Idiot! I loved you don't go no don't commit suicide for this no you promised you'd come back NOoooooo!"

They finally got to their daughter, her father put a hand on her forehead when he saw all the balls of sweat it had. As she thrashed under him, still scream but less loudly, her father felt her forehead as it was burning up. "Sweetie your ok, no one's going to hurt you please get up please."

"No no don't go please don't go you promised you'd…" She stated sobbing while she furiously thrashed under her sheets.

"Honey?" her mom asked so sweetly, as she grabbed her daughters hand and found shock. She looked at her husband with the dear in the headlights look "George call an ambulance, her hands are clammy but her heart rate is faint."

Her husband nodded, but not without a worried look to his daughter before boldly getting up and turning out the door with the two small dogs following behind with a little yip or two as they slipped along the wood floors. The only sound George made was a little grunt as he got up.

Soon the ambulance was called, only moments later the ambulance arrived, and not to long after that was their daughter taken to the hospital, then she was in a room and seeing a doctor, while her parents cried looking into each other's eyes and George held his wife April's hand.

They just listened to the quietness except the beeps of the Hospital machinery, the doctors and nurse's calls, and medical aids talking. Besides that, they listened to nothing but their own fears for their daughter.

Finally, the doctor came out of the room Alexis was in looking quiet tired and emotionless.

"Well?" George asked ready to punch or kill someone if his daughter was dying or there was nothing wrong, if the doctor had seen her before, he clearly would state in George's opinion that there was something wrong.

"I will talk to you two in a bit I have an emergency call I have to attend to. I will be back in three hours to make sure everything's good with your daughter. Right now I've got to run and ask that you cool down and rest for a while till I return, there are other patients that need me, so I ask that you be patient and wait a little longer. She's asleep now I gave her some relaxation anesthetics. I ask that you don't go in there, she needs her rest and I don't want anyone waking her she seems to not have been getting the sleep her body needs lately." The old and a little frail doctor, who was a slightly larger, with wrinkles, gray thick hair on top of his head, and old man glasses said as he peered at the father who was ready to kill someone.

Mr. Jankins sat back down and put his hands over his face as he arched his back and sobbed over his knee trying to hide his worry and be strong for his little girl. His gentle and beautiful wife who was like him, a yellow blond green eyed beauty that even aliens could launch a thousand ships just to take her or see her rose red lips and green see eyes sparkle. She was young, in her thirties but looked even younger, and had a fairly skinny build.

She knew her husbands pain, the second he sat down he was crying, as she had been and was doing the same greatly on the inside.

She took her gentle hand and grabbed his left hand as her left hand rubbed his back for comfort and she rested her head on her husband's shoulder.

It was several hours later that the Jankins looked up at the sound of the door to their daughters hospital room open, and soon after that the same sound was heard as the doctor came out.

George was no different than last time. Standing up ready to kill if someone said the wrong thing, the waiting had made him tenser and more aggressive, he wanted nothing but to protect his daughter.

"Your daughters fine Mr. Jankins."

"Fine! Fine! How can you say in hell, she's fine, fine my ass! She had a temperature has been crying for weeks and won't say a thing! She refuses to talk to anyone, but her two friends which is barely, and only goes with them on occasions not like she used to! How in hell can you say my little girls fine, fuck she's fine! There is no way she is at all."

"Sir I ask that you please calm down and let me finish I have more to say." The doctor stated indicating with his hands on George's chest trying to inform him to take a seat and cool down.

"Calm down, I'm calm, why don't you calm this bukero" he gave the good doctor the middle finger.

"Sir I will have to ask you to leave, so you don't disturb the other patients nor your daughter. There is no need for coarse language here at this moment."

"George sweetie, let the good doctor finish" April told her husband while slowly getting up and laying a hand on his shoulder and arm cuddling him.

"I'll be cussing damned that he says my daughters fine, she is not one bit fine and you know…"

"Dad!" came a angry voice from the door as the three people turn to face the pre teen standing there looking pissed off at the scene and angry at what's going on. "Dad I'm fine I'm not a little girl who can't defend herself he says I'm fucking fine."

"Don't use that language young lady."

"You'd understand why I've used it, if I could tell you! But, you know what I can't! I'm not allowed to tell you, don't have the permission and it's something that will put you two or anyone I tell in possible danger of being killed alright I'm not a little girl anymore no matter how I may look it my minds an adult mind now. So just shut the fucking hell up dad! The doctor was trying to help and you're just cussing at him! But, the thing is I'm fine, and would tell you if I could, but it's something I can't say nor can any of us say where we went for a reason, if you need anyone to reassure you just ask Rad's father he is the only one who knows a little bit of what we can't say. Anyways, if I could I wouldn't, because you're being a dush about my feelings, who would want to tell you if they were able? I lost a fucking friend, someone I loved, someone I was starting to date or was if he didn't stupidly die to protect me, and many others to get the person I'll say was almost like a dad or an uncle to see what he needed to change. So that's all I can tell you alright I fell in love and he died ok so stop treating me like a stupid child. I grew up a long F'ing time ago especially when he came in to my stupid shity perfect life, and cunting swept me off my feet, made me feel amazing, and then suddenly go and disappear before damn dying. I'm dealing with stupid loss, if you can fucking understand that. And I'm able to swear cause I've heard it enough from you and am damn tired of it! Now leave him and me alone! Augh!" she growled the last part and stormed back in to the medical room angry as a wild fire in the worst heat spells of Southern summers.

The three just stood in shock as she shut the door and the sound of it being locked was heard.

They stood there for a while just staring at what happened, before the doctor cleared his throat to continue.

"I'm…I a..am..a…I'm sorry I'm just worried about my girl." Alexis's father stated looking ashamed knowing that her daughter now suddenly swearing had been somewhat his fault.

"Like I said before, she's fine and that little episode should prove it to you, she's just malnourished, and from what it sounds like she is most likely depressed from learning this guy of her's died. I will suggest you watch her to make sure she eats proper food. I can't say she's going to be the same girl she was in any time and I'm afraid there is nothing we can do for her at the moment. Her body had been reacting to the lack of nutrition and food she most likely has had if she has eaten at all and just disposed of her food items in different ways. I myself have a daughter who lost a boyfriend after a dance to a drunk driver, and she was the same way refusing to eat and crying constantly for weeks. We had to watch her for weeks before we were positive she ate on her own. That reminds me, may I ask have you seen her eat?"

Both parents look at each other and let the water form in their eyes as they come to realization, before looking at the ground and they both shake their heads.

The Doctor deeply sighs, "Then she most likely hasn't been eating if at all having anything, for her young still developing body it's surprising she was able to last this long."

"Doctor John's, is there anything else we should know about?" April asks gently and softly.

"How so?" The doctor asked looking confused by the question, but understanding as this was something he dealt with on a normal basses.

"Is our daughter still a G-damn virgin, or is she..." her father George angrily spat, clenching his fists and gulping before the doctor looks at them.

"I wasn't informed I was supposed to run those test, and I could, but, I also need her approval. She didn't have any signs of abuse on her body they would be noticeable if she had, since she came back. So I suggest that she wasn't hurt or raped as you say it may just be she liked and had a puppy love with a guy and that's all before he died. This even could be as simple as a friend you had yet to meet that she was just friends with but she wanted to be more then friends, passed away. I will check if she allows me, at the moment I need to find a lock smith cause I have a feeling she won't be opening the door anytime soon."

_Thirty minutes later inside the hospital room:_

"Alexis can we come in now or do we have to wait." Came a teenage voice as the girl had been staring at the walls thinking about him and what she was to do she knew things wouldn't get better any time soon. She sighed sadly "Yeah common but they probably are looking for the lock smith so it can't be long; I'm not up for a long visit anyways.

"Hey Hotty, do you mind boosting us up dude, we can't climb that high."

"Yeah sure, hang on." came a young teenage voice from somewhere down below; he sounded both worried yet happy for knowing his friend was mostly all right.

"Alexis!" the two boys said as three minicons, especially one looked very excited and ran towards her causing her to laugh.

"You guys keep it down, my parents are right outside, and I can't let them know anyone's here."

"Alexis, girl we're so worried when we heard. We've been so worried about you recently; ever since that one trip you have not been the same."

"Yeah it's like you don't want to see us anymore or hang with the Autobots, it's like you're always sulking."

Seeing how she turns away and faces the wall as Rad said this.

"I'm sorry but it's…well… since we got back, you've been depressed. We can't help but worry for you, Alexis is this all about him?" Her friends and minicons all crossed their arms at what the strange large boy Billy asked.

She turned eyeing her two guy friends with water in her eyes, she can tell they both look worried most of all she see's that Sureshock is worst and she feels sorry that she's hurting them all.

Her look answered there question, the fact that she turned around answered the question.

"Alexis no one can bring him back, at least he died being good instead of being evil, he died to save everyone, don't let him die in vain. He did care; at least we all found that out before he died. You need to get over that Alexis; there will be others, everyone knew the way you two felt about one another. But we can't… you can't let his death take over your life, do you think he would want that?" Hot Rod whispered from outside the window. Secretly he had admired Alexis more than just a friendship but he knew at the moment her heart was not his to own, but his would always be open for her in time, he would keep his heart opened for her if she was ever ready for him.

He knew Rad originally liked her but with her being younger than him, he found it awkward to like someone with such a large age gap and moved on to girls his age finding a brotherly bond with her. Although Hotshot dreamed of them together, he knew it would be a while before he could tell her if he ever truly told her his actual inescapable feelings.

She shook her head teary-eyed "No." causing a smirk that across her friends faces knowing she was seeing some of their points.

That is before her phone rang as Sureshock was saving it for her and brought it from her house.

She looked at the number to see it was from the base, this number was in particularly Red Alert's, she knew this would not end well or be pretty in any way.

"Hello!" She asked with a quivering voice.

"Malnutrition! Alexis!" came a very worried and angry voice of the Autobot medic. Whose voice intern echoed throughout the room it was so loud.

"Do you know how worried I was about you? How worried we were? Alexis you need to eat, why would you not be eating? I will come to your house and make sure you eat do you understand. I'd be damned not to, I don't care if I shitting blow our cover your going to start eating, even if you have to be fed do you understand me?"

"Hu yes mother." She said rolling her eyes as the minicons, her brotherly guy friends, and her snickered, she knew how much Red thought of her as his own child, and knew he would hold up on his threats.

"Don't you be calling me…"  
"I love you to and don't' worry now I'm fine." Alexis stated with a smirk and mocking tone of bouncy happiness.

"Alexis, we all thought… I thought and worried you were dying. Don't you scare us like that ever again! We were worried sick about you."

"I know I know Red, or should I say dad." the room giggled and was filled with the happy snickering laughter at Alexis's mood and playful banter. "I love you too, and as I told you, don't worry." She said rolling her eyes and turning the call off. Knowing she would be in for a parentally constitutional speech from the Autobot medic, when she got back to the base, or somewhere he could talk to her.

Alexis knew perfectly well that the minute she hung up on Red Alert the white and red autobot would be so angered he could blow a circuit.

"You know he's probably going to come down here to yell at you, now that you hung up on him." Came a voice from beyond the window.

"I know Hot Shot; he's over protective at best I didn't want to be yelled at, at this moment on how stupid I was."

The room of companions crosses their arms and looks angrily with some disgust at their good friend. "But you were, for what it's about." They all say, and although her minicon Sureshock crosses her arms, even in the minicon language she does not speak she simply crosses her arms and looks at her angrily if not disappointed at what she said.

Alexis could not help but feel like a little child caught in the act of something they were not supposed to do.

_~Back to the Present that night Alexis asleep in her bed.~_

This girl was crying thinking about her memories of him if not dreaming.

Her iPod was booming as she tried to not think of anything tonight. Her parents were gone both called in for some meeting they were required to attend, it was not late at night either, it was only a little past eight.

Her IPod started playing a song that was sad, yet gentle and sweet.

During the intro, her dreams changed from her and Starscream being in the field, to the moment she had yelled what a pill and bastard he was being. Then how hours later, she went to this field and he apologized to her.

Again, the dream changed; however, this was stranger and not exactly a memory. This was just a dream of her and him, in some glass walled ballroom dancing to a song being played by a violin, her in a semi nineteenth century dress and him in a suit which her dream self could not help laugh at, although he was quite handsome in it.

The dream Starscream lent out his hand for her to join him like the other couples out on the ballroom floor. They started dancing in a waltz to the violin, orchestra and harp playing behind her. Nevertheless, as soon as her head looked up and away from his shoulders he lost his smug smile as did she looking at the glass reflection, and she could have sworn she was back on the ship again.

_Her dreams were starting to surround the trail of what looked oddly like a shooting star, that was headed towards Unicron, his dying body killed to show the threat. This caused her to scream his name softly she was weeping for him he could have found another way but instead died._

_Jamie is over and Jamie is gone_

_Jamie decided it's time to move on_

_Jamie has new dreams he's building upon_

_And I'm still hurting_

_Her thoughts drifted to that time after the cave back on Cybertron. How they talked for a while, and how she eventually fought with him about leaving. He told her about how he did not think certain wars weren't his to fight, and that he just wanted the single thing to over throw the one who was once a friend. How this Red, gray and white mech swore he wanted to torture Megatron hurt him then carefully kill him, so no one especially Alexis would be harmed by him or anyone in the damn war._

_Then she saw him turn and smile at her before leaving and never seeing him again as he left her standing outside the cave._

_Jamie arrived at the end of the line_

_Jamie's convinced that the problems are mine._

_Jamie is probably feeling just fine_

_And I'm still hurting_

_Alexis's dream stayed on this moment they were outside of the cave. How he promised her he'd return to be with her and loved her so intimately the memory of it still gave her ecstasy, and how she never told him in return that she 'loved him.' Now she was hurting in every inch of her heart for not saying the words. Instead, she pleaded him and bagged him not to go to stay with her she loved him but stupidly choose not to admit it that fine hour of pleading not to say goodbye._

_Although, she at first did not see it, she swore she saw him crying as he left and was surrounded by space dust. Promising he would be back and they would be together forever._ Her sleeping self cried as she remembered this and more they never got to say, when they were back together and found each other again, he had to die to save the Universe and kill her childish heart in turn.

_What about lies, Jamie?_

_What about things that you swore to be true?_

_What about you, Jamie?_

_What about you?_

_He was telling her he had to go and make things right so she would live and breathe how he couldn't see her be killed by what Megatron could not, or would not admit to see._

_Suddenly he gave her a soft teary kiss as he whispered, "Goodbye my love, my sweet wonderful Alexis remember I always love you." She grabbed him then and made him give her a larger kiss like the one he had earlier, she needed to make sure he came back make sure he would never leave her again. Her naked body touching his bent over exposed chest it was hers but she refused to tell him. So she planted her lips into his, moved her tongue into his and allowed him to take over for her mouth._

_She still could feel after all this time the feeling of his tongue intertwining with her small one, and still being able to be inside hers. How wonderful his kisses were, how they made her grown and even her small ones made him grown. Before he finally turned and they looked outside she made him promise for the hundredth time to come back to her, saying she could not live without him, he was her meth her drug._

_He smirked and put his sword of three minicons behind him, letting the tear fall and walking out near the exit of the cave allowing her to dress while he placed his armor back on, yet instead of the caves surrounds he disappeared into the mist, just like the last time she had ever see him._

_Alexis cried more about this. Nevertheless, Starscream saying that he had to help the cause, had to make right. How he explained the fact that he decided what to do and she could not change it no matter how he wanted to which she did not get the fact that he meant death to help people and transformers survive._

_Jamie is sure something wonderful died,_

_Jamie decided it's his right to decide_

_Jamie has secrets he doesn't confide_

_And I'm still hurting._

_She dreamt about the day he had left the Autobots after Rad, Carlos, Billy, Fred, and her gave him the present, how he just deserted them and took the Skyboom shield and Requiem blaster. How he just left her and almost broke her heart if she did not find the note explaining he still loved her, but had something he needed to take care of that he would come back to her and them soon, just after he finished something._

_Never the less the truth was he never came back he changed his mind or maybe he did not change his mind, but still never left the Decepticons like the note promised, he somehow never finished what he needed to._

_She screamed outside at that rock mound on top of a tall hill, she yelled at him to have better manors. She had gone there after he left, she went there to cry and scream at the sky using all the words she knew of and crying for uncanny reasons that he could do this to her. Even now, she cried just as much when he said he would keep his promises, but in the end, he never kept one of those promises, except the one of talking her for his own, and showing her the love, he had for her._

_For he had done this and much more, never would she think a man could give her that feeling of ecstasy the way he had, as she had heard the Autobots whisper about seekers being supposedly good in bed, knowing the rights spots and things to do, she had a firsthand blissful account of this being true. However, every promise not counting the sex she wanted, she felt he was a liar on and only liked to keep her interested for the bliss or game._

_Go and hide and run away_

_Run away, run and find something better_

_Go and run the sun away_

_Run away_

_Like it's simple_

_Like its right…_

_Her dream changed again as she was back in the mirrored Ballroom but now it was a mirrored ballroom that was half indoor and the other half outdoor, it was garden like and she was walking down a aisle as a certain song played by a harp and violin played._

_She saw her parents crying and people watching her dressed in a creamy white dress, roses on the ground she walked upon._

_Pink flowers in her hair, and a smiling similar Decepticon watching her smiling up as she walks to him but is now watching herself walk to him, for she no longer is herself walking towards her love, but she is watching from the sidelines._

_The old fantasy she had and shared with him was playing through her dreams, she burst into tears shouting at herself "He's not there! You won't marry him, he died! He's dead and never coming back! He lied he won't let you have this with him! He's not coming back you can never marry him you can't!"_

_Give me a day Jamie,_

_Bring back the lies,_

_Hang them back on the wall_

_Maybe I'd see_

_How you could be_

_So certain that we_

_Had no chance at all_

_She was back in her dream to the window crying on Rad's shoulder before she was at a funeral on Cybertron for someone who actually died to save the humans, all transformers and the Universe. She cried her eyes out, but never spoke never stated her feelings, she tossed a Cybertronian yellow rose into his grave, and waited to return till everyone left._

_Then when she was alone in the cemetery, she ran to hug his tomb stone admitted the tears at his grave she admitted everything, for the first time she admitted her love praying it would work and bring him back like in the movies._

_It was Hot Shot who came to find her, put his hand on her shoulder, while she cried and sat there to comfort her and the tears she had._

_Jamie is over and where can I turn?_

_She contemplated her position if she had truly married him, if he had survived would she marry him? Or better yet change sides? Even now she was trying to figure out if she had to change sides cause they promised each other forever, even better than the other two ideas, would she change what she was, and no longer be a mere human?_

_She contemplated in her dream of ever returning home, the constant almost leaving home days where since she returned she would continuously pack bags as if she was to leave home, she kept packing everyday and writing then hiding a few notes and almost getting up and leaving before breaking down at her bedroom door. She saw each time she tried, and dreamt that he was right at her side telling her not to do it, not to make mistakes of leaving friends like he once did._

_She had nowhere else to go was what her mind told her but to hide and run away from life and everything that reminded her of him._

_Left with the scars I did nothing to earn_

_She now cried about how he foolishly choose to die, not realizing how it would hurt her so, that she could not eat or barley sleep always dreaming of him, their time and most importantly his stupid death._

_Alexis knew the decision tortured him, but if it had done so and hurt him internally, then why not just be with her instead of torturing himself and later her. She remembered sitting by his grave the day before they left, again with Hot Shot standing there for support and comfort as she looked at a holographic picture he made of them together as she questioned things of why he could not just stay and find a new way to live without either sides ruining it. Running away and forgetting everything leaving it all behind them raising a family of their own in a place they made their own rules. 'Their Somewhere' her memory remembered as they talked several times of such a place they should do this from day one of them falling in love with each other._

_Maybe there's something a lesson to learn_

_She couldn't find any sort of lesson or thing she could learn from this that would get her to think she learned anything then loved sucked and death always comes in love in war._

_But that wouldn't change the fact_

_That wouldn't speed the time_

_Once the foundation cracked_

_And I'm…_

_Still hurting_

_She was sobbing so hard in her sleep that by the end of this song she couldn't help but think of what she was going to do and if she had finished her though and actually chosen this._

Alexis thought thoroughly as she sat up in bed awake from her dream, as she looked to the moon, and spun the medallion she made from the jewel he had given her, the final decision was finally made.

She was going to run away and for real's this time, with no one watching her. She was going to say goodbye to life and move on to the city. Use the fake ID she made back at the Autobots headquarters when they were out the week they got back from Cybertron, then making sure she completely erased all traces of her doing this and she would leave.

"I'm going to do it this time Sureshock! I going to run, I think we should make the plans now!" she whispered into the watch that they had come up with for a two-way conversation.

" _You sure this time? I'm tired girl can't this wait till the morning?"_

"Only know we will make the break soon, and we will be planning, have a goodnight Sureshock and sweet dreams."

Her best girlfriend, sisterly bonded person, and minicon yawned largely "Ok goodnight Alexis you two."

Alexis placed the watch on her nightstand and lifted her shirt up to reveal her skinny stomach that was bulged out slightly.

"Almost a month and a half since that day." She whispered to herself as the moon glistened in the window and shown on her smooth skin revealing the small roundness to the stomach.

' _Space you don't have periods, but please don't let this one be late_!' She begged to the stars above pleading to heaven.

As she felt around her stomach, which she prayed was not getting bigger and was her imagination she pleaded "Starscream, you better not have done what I think you did to me." As she laid, back down she kept her hands on her stomach and remembered everything of a month and a half ago in space, the incredible sex she had. For now was the time she regretted never asked him to use protection.

All she wondered was if the pen she had sitting in her drawer with a small reddish pink plus sign visible was a mistake and that she was not tested positive. Still the thought of being a mother, and having something of Starscream's to hold onto enticed her, she only prayed the pen was a broken one, and the next pen she bought without being seen would say otherwise.

The last thought before Alexis fell into her deep memory lane nightmarish sleep, was the thought of her mech pumping so great and twisting at such angles to get inside her, a smirk crossed her face, while her body was dying for more intimacy from the man who died a month before.

**Author's Note:**

> DA DA DA
> 
> So is Alexis a teen mom? Find out in the next chapter….
> 
> Here's what you can look forward to see in the upcoming chapter.
> 
> Finally, the plan to leave home and runaway is revealed, and the reasons for Sureshock being involved are also revealed. Another surprise is in store for this chapter as Alexis discovers she's getting more then what she bargained for.
> 
> Also, Alexis makes planes to be able to be in school and also live on her own, find out how she's going to succeed in this.
> 
> Oh and if you're wondering "How can she be so cruel to her best friends and team, and just up and leave them?" Well you'll just have to wait and see if you're wondering, don't worry all this and more will be answered.
> 
> Now if you're absolutely LOVING THIS STORY REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW, YOU know how ;) I will not REPEAT NOT POST UNTIL I HAVE 2 YES TWO REVIEWS SO PLEASE REPLY SOON.
> 
> Also I DO NOT WANT ANY SWEARING, CUSSING OR CURSING in a Review, if you want to slash or bash you absolutely can just find a way to cool down first and write a civilized bash that has no swearing of any kind. Thank You
> 
> Well I hope you enjoyed Until next time Ta Ta… I bid you farewell and a wonderful day or night
> 
> Thanks again for beings such terrific readers.


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